the two extremes.
It’s a bit of a tense time for your lovable coed. I’m moved back into the ECU dormitory. I have to say, that I’m honestly very uncomfortable in my suite right now. I have three other roommates. One is good old A, the silly, happy, perky, fabulous girl from last semester. Two of the other ones are very traditional Asians, with one being intensely religious. They are very focused and driven, but the vibe I have right now is that they’re a little boring.
I feel a little threatened to be wearing my collar around the suite. I’m worried that there might be some confrontation that I don’t want. Last semester, my roommates, as aloof as they were, were at least open and social and fun. My new roommates… not so much.
Let’s not forget, I’m not even ‘out’ as a submissive to A.
I wish I didn’t feel so nervous when I’m in my own fucking home. But I want to wear my collar, I want, I want, I want. It’s this longing I have inside to wear it proudly. I love Sir, I want to wear it. I’m so uneasy here at home.
On the other end of the spectrum, I’m officially out to my best friend in the entire world, T. (Hi, T.) He’s probably reading, I gave him the link.
T and I have been best friends since we were kids at gifted camp. We went to the same Talent Search program, both of us scoring over 550 on the verbal SAT when we were 12. We had one of those instantaneous connections that just happen, like magic. Just pure, unadulterated… belonging. Acceptance. Love, on some level. We understand and sense each other. We just clicked.
As we got older, both of us changing a lot, we still tried to stay friends. He discovered his bisexuality as I was getting into a serious relationship with C. T and I parted ways for a while, over a silly misunderstanding. We didn’t speak. I was left alone to face C, and all the emotional abuse that followed.
Cut to a few years later, when T and I reunited, and we forgave each other everything. We were happy to be together again.
Now, I just came out to him a few hours ago. I was worrying and fretting over how T would react, and he was SO supportive and accepting. I shouldn’t have doubted, but I did. T came through and told me it was okay, and that he actually wanted to meet Sir one day. T was actually intrigued at some of the things I’ve done, like the suspension bondage and trampling at the BDSM club. We sat in a dingy bus terminal discussing my relationship with Sir.
“He makes you happy. All I want is for you to be happy. If you’re happy, I’m happy.” T said as I fiddled with my iced tea cap.
I hugged T before he got on the bus. Hugged him really tightly, and kissed him on the cheek. I wanted to take him back to my dorm room, just to have some comfort in a place where I don’t feel comfortable. I don’t spend enough time with T, I really don’t. Letting T in, showing him my relationship with Sir, makes me feel even closer to T.
I’m very lonely right now. I don’t feel comfortable here in my dorm, I don’t feel comfortable at home. I want to be with Sir, or with T. I want to be with people who love me for who I am, all of me.
I’m lonely.
