i kissed a girl and i liked it

the taste of her cherry chapstick

i kissed a girl just to try it

i hope my boyfriend don’t mind it

it felt so wrong, it felt so right

don’t mean i’m in love tonight

i don’t even know your name, it doesn’t matter

you’re just my experimental game

just human nature

[katy perry, "i kissed a girl"]

I have pretty juvenile taste in music. I like any sort of alternative/emo/rock sounding stuff, and usually most Top 40 hits. Most of the music I listen to isn’t to Sir’s liking, (”Have you HEARD some of the stuff you listen to? GOD!” He says with a smirk.) so most of the time I just reserve it for when I’m in my car or on my iPod.

This song is just insanely catchy. It’s upbeat and provocative and pretty fun to turn up loud when you’re driving around. At least for me, it is.

I also think it captures the, well, fun of kissing a girl when it doesn’t really mean anything. I wrote earlier in the blog about the fact that I pretty much had my first kiss with a girl ‘auctioned’ off at a New Year’s Eve slave auction in a BDSM club. Even though I hesitated like hell when the time came to actually fill the slip out, I was actually excited.

I secretly liked being the object of so much spectacle, too. I liked the crowd at the door that appeared when the submissive woman was going to kiss me. I liked how intently both Sirs were watching us when we kissed. It was hot.

I identify myself as straight, but I don’t know if I consider myself bicurious. I’ve always felt bicurious implied that you are curious about a relationship with a woman as well as all the sex. For me, I just want all the kissing and sex without all the pressure of having to deal with a relationship. I’d want to keep it fun and light. The problem for me comes with how I’m actually supposed to go about this. That old college cliche of girls getting drunk at parties and hooking up with each other doesn’t happen at the college parties that I usually end up in despite the fact that it’s the loose ‘plot’ of the song.

On Fetlife, it says I’m “heteroflexible” which fits, I guess.

Some people might think it’s easier to do something like this in a BDSM context. I don’t know if it is for sure. A lot of variables come in to play. For one thing, most of the women I encounter on the scene are older than I am; the woman I kissed was much older than me. I feel like I wouldn’t be able to get away with just kissing a girl for fun, for no reason, just to kiss her.

Although I did randomly make out with a woman a few days before TESfest, I haven’t seen her or the man she was with at the BDSM club I go to with Sir. And that situation was kind of freaky in the fact that it escalated very, very, very quickly. After we started kissing, she kept trying to put her hand up my skirt. Which I was not ready for at all. Actually, I sort of freaked out when Sir and I left the club, and I begged Sir to take me back to His apartment afterward. I felt really clingy.

I would like to make out with a girl in a non-BDSM context. Just to compare. I feel like it would be less pressure.

I just want some girl who’s young and pretty and soft, to kiss me. The song is right, damn it, women are gorgeous, fabulous and kissable. I want to kiss and touch and mess around with a girl and not have it MEAN anything. Fuck!

(I’m obsessed with referring to this mysterious person as a girl. It seems less… emotionally threatening? If I refer to them as a girl instead of a woman. Though a woman would be politically correct.

I don’t know how to go about this. Obviously, my relationship with Sir comes first. I don’t know if I would be comfortable with a threesome. Ironic, right? I just feel like having a threesome would make it mean something to me, on some level, no matter how much I say that it doesn’t mean a thing. A threesome begets all those pesky things such as concerns and conversations about making sure Sir and I are *okay* with the situation.

Is this horrible of me? Wanting some girl to make out with, only to have it not mean anything and never ever calling her again? I suppose boys have been doing it for ages. Ha.

Maybe I could kiss a girl at Folsom. Hmm…