The Collared Coed

I was giving up.

It was summer 2007, and it was August.

I had spent the summer meeting men off of craigslist, and I was tired of it, and I was giving up on finding someone to fuck regularly. I was getting ready to go back to a college I hated and to work at a job that bored me.

Yes, Mark and I met on craigslist. I almost didn’t post the ad that led me to meet Mark.

But at the time, I figured that one last post, one last hurrah, wouldn’t hurt.

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One Saturday night, a few weeks ago, I sent Mark a message over BlackBerry IM.

Delilah: I had this totally bizarre thought of getting my anger out by beating you up. But that’s too weird!
Mark: I thought of that too. Letting you beat me.
Mark: If you think it would help. . .I would totally do it.

We took the plunge and did it.

We decided to explore something new. I topped Mark.

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I’ve decided to start over.

A new blog layout (nice and minimalist and not all black or all pink), a new outlook, and a renewed relationship with Master.

I could go back and recount all of the drama of the last few months.

But there’s no reason to.

I don’t feel a need anymore to go back and wring my hands over the angst and drama of the last few months. I learned a few things about trust, relationships, D/s and communication. I can let all of it go now.

I want to look forward. Turning 21 was amazing. Master gave me a much better celebration than my own parents did. (My parents kind of made me cry on my own birthday. That’s not unusual for them, however.)

Maybe it’s the three glasses of homemade iced coffee talking, but I have new goals for myself. New academic goals, new personal goals and new things I want to explore within my own sexuality.

Particularly, I want to learn how to top. I get this kind of giddy glee when I switch with Master and I hurt him. I’m totally open to learning new skills relating to topping.

I’ve been twittering. I have a ton of blog post drafts backlogged. I want to start blogging and I want to start participating in HNT again.

All of the instability and drama between Master and I has kind of affirmed something for me. It affirmed that for now, at least, I’m not polyamorous. I’m totally supportive of other people who are poly, but it’s just not me. At least not right now.

Hooray for spring and for new beginnings. I’m ready to jump back into all of it again.

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